d36 Messed Up Magical Accidents

I'm real excited for the Academies of the Arcane, because I love dumb wizards and wizard schools and crazy arcane experimentation. So in that vein:

Why is the old wizard's tower abandoned? What happened in the shuttered up sorceror's school? 

Magical Mishaps on a Massive scale, probably. Magic is messy. It's delicate like a science but exactly as wishywashy as art. Here are eighteen stupid magical disasters to roll for on a d36

11 

A spell was miscast and became a sentient memetic plague. All casters within 2d6 miles of ground zero now ONLY know that one spell AND hunger ravenously for the taste of untainted magic

12

A bunch of magicians tried to summon something but the big idiots went and left the door open. Now the toxic atmosphere of the third tier of Helgaaz is leaking in and doing NOTHING GOOD for the local flora and fauna

13

Some dummy with a wand tried to make themselves a free lunch but there is no such thing as a free lunch and this is a CARDINAL LAW OF MAGIC. Now this hapless caster has a surplus of cursed food going rancid and attracting thaumovores from the Nth dimension

14

A very talented young mage made up their own spell but forgot to code the end-clause in. This stupid rainbow-sprinkle effect has dyed everything for 1d6 miles around it in a variety of garish hues and also its draining living things of their energy to sustain the effect

15

Some big shot moneybags genius paid a necromancer to summon them a cheaper workforce. An excellent plan until the restless souls of the dead bodies used animated a bunch of objects in said moneybags' home. Yeah that's right it's like "Beauty and the Beast" but its also got zombies

16

A rank amatuer started selling knock-off spell components. All the spells have been just a liiittle bit shitty as a result. One of the spells stopped working, and it was unfortunately the very-high-maintenance binding spell that kept Effregrigion the Defiler of the Damned quiet

21

It was probably some horny magic student who poked around in the forbidden sex magic tome and thought a magical kingdom-wide orgie was a good idea. It wasn't. The whole kingdom died after starving to death in some VERY compromising positions.

22

Who decided to decode Glorifon's Third Runic Set without the appropriate Circles raised? Now there are forty three abstract entities unwriting reality to restructure it one a different plane of existence. All thats left of the victims is the nagging sense that "I might have had a friend called... no, no probably not."

23

That one bumbling archmage only went and tried to ascend to godhood. They stacked a bunch of sacrifices and only THEN realised they hadn't adequately prepared the Vessel. Pft. Anyway now the collected energies of a mass sacrifice are swirling around underground and causing hella quakes

24

Some muppet went and adjusted a very basic fireball spell because they thought they could JUST MAKE IT ICE THEMED JUST LIKE THAT. No way. Now there is a perpetually thermonegative satellite hovering overhead and superchilling everything it passes over.

25

Alright, I get it, you wanted to regrow a lost limb. But there are certain ways to AVOID channelling too much mystical energy into it and swamping the whole area with grasping, wriggling limb worms

26

Some bright spark used chronomancy to sneak a few extra hours of revision in. Now the whole plane is trapped in a closed paradox loop. But on the plus side everyone is VERY prepared for finals now.

31

There is a very fine line between existing and not existing. Everything is mostly nothing with a few strands of delusion keeping it in line. So when some careless charlatan starts "gazing into the void" without certain precautions then the void starts gazing back and giving Existence ideas. Now the building blocks of reality have gone wonky here, and lots of things have become insubstantial and floaty

32

Can apprentices please stop leaving the witchlights on overnight, they WILL animate and start sucking arcane energy out of your dreams. Eventually everyone ends up a sleepless husk and the witchlight spirits will rise to rule the materia. NO ONE WANTS THAT, least of all the otherwise carefree witchlight folk.

33

An amatuer herbologist who is also a master magus of the third path has gone and made his topiaries sentient in an effort to stop next door's dog urinating on them. Then they saw the gardener approach with the shears and NOW we're in a bit of a war-for-the-gardens scenario

34

An eccentric genius worked out how to let all states of matter communicate with each other from their respective wavelengths of existence in which they are sentient beings. Now the kingdom and everything in it is starving because no one can eat anything without it cleverly debating its way off their plate.

35

Another pyromancer went properly mental and managed to ignite the atmosphere. The flames have since died down but all thats left is ash. 

36

A cocky lil turd of a wizard tried to turn the king's heir into a frog to "teach him a lesson" but that magical prince-frog-hybrid laid frogspawn (because life uhhh finds a way) and now an army of human-headed carnivorous tadpoles is in the water supply. Also the king killed the wizard so noone knows how to solve it. NEXT TIME MAYBE SOLVE DISAGREEMENTS WITH WORDS

The Cup Overfloweth with Backgrounds

         I have a bunch of floating backgrounds for Troika! and they aren't going in my zine anymore, so have at them. I might illustrate some more and put them up on itch at some point, but at the moment I'm making little worlds for the Great Troika! Pocket Sphere Jam and finishing off the last bits of content and the layout for the first Realms Zine (which be more worlds, really, but bigger and with spells and backgrounds).

        I'm pretty excited about finishing Realms. The first one is Irifice, a city of towering spires so tall they span between planes of existence. Irifice is a setting I've been playing in and writing about since I was a kid, inspired by Tanelorn in Moorcock's Eternal Champion books and every high magic metropolis I've daydreamed about on visits into the city. With any luck, you'll soon be able to join me in adventures up and down it!

        In the meantime, here are the six new backgrounds! These guys were written for specific places that I'm not planning on visiting immediately, or else were leftovers when I had enough backgrounds already in place for a world. Hope you enjoy them!

1 Attentive Waiting-staff

There are dining halls in Troika and Irifice so strange, so avant-garde and so busy that they become a kind of stress-fuelled crucible for the staff working there. You've made ten lattes at once, each with a different metamagical syrup infused, and carried the lot across the room without a tray. You've navigated the fraught tensions and politics of the kitchen pass and you've tried almost everything on the menu. Eventually, though, everyone working in hospitality starts looking for a real job.

Possessions 

- Worn Apron, tattered but remarkably hardy- as Lightly Armoured

- Serving Tray, as Shield

- Tea Set or Coffee Flask

- A fixed Rictus Grin which no customer, however determined, has managed to crack (+1 to Etiquette while worn)

Advanced Skills

2 Etiquette

2 Awareness

2 Run

1 Balancing

1 Drinks Preparation

Special

You've definitely got a degree in something, but it's been a long shift and you don't remember what it was you studied right now. When you do remember, mark it down as an Advanced Skill with 1d3 Ranks in it.

2 Breaker of Worlds

You are one of the many souls who rise up, throughout the endless Spheres and Realms, to grasp at something bigger than themselves- grasp at it, and pull it tumbling down towards them. You are a would-be conqueror, a ruler-in-the-making. All you need now is a suitable site to stamp your boots and stick your flag. Once you have yourself a flag, that is...

Possession

- An over-sized Axe, Maul OR Greatsword

- A second-hand suit of Medium Armour

- The last 2d6 silver pennies of a haul of loot, along with the story of how you won it.

Advanced Skills

2 Fist Fighting

2 Weapon Fighting with chosen weapon

2 Intimidate

1 Awareness

1 Climb

1 Run

1 Public Speaking

3 Calligrapher-Assassin

There are those who want a target killed and care not for the bloody details, and there are those who might hire a member of your own ancient and noble order. Calligrapher-Assassins are honor bound to record as much detail as possible from their assassinations, and over the years have perfected a range of strange effects they can use their inky skills towards. 

Possessions

- Fine Calligraphy Brush and 2d6 Vials of Ink

- 1d6 Vials of Poisonous Ink

- Dagger 

- Dark, form-fitting robes (as Light Armour)

Advanced Skills

3 Calligraphy

2 Poison

2 Sneak

2 Locks

1 Dagger Fighting

1 Spell- Ink Minion

4 Dedicated Rationalist

You know that magic is make-believe, no matter what those pyramid-scheme “Wizards Schools” try to tell people. Any time there’s a tangible magical effect that you can’t outright deny, you know that it’s nothing more than a symptom of Chaos itself worming its way deeper into Reality. Your sharp, axiomatic wits are the best defense against that particular problem, you’re quite sure.

Possessions

- The not-insignificant wits of a trained debater

- Book of handwritten notes, all detailing specific spells and how they aren’t really magical at all

- Suit of clothes, once expensive but now tattered

- Smoking Pipe with 2d6 charges of an obnoxiously odorous dried herb to put in it

- Duelist’s Rapier, damages as a sword but looks much flashier. 

Advanced Skills

2 Evaluate

2 Awareness

1 Sword Fighting

3 Spell- Undo

Special

When you cast the spell Undo the Stamina cost is only equal to the cost of the spell to be undone, rather than double it. This effect is only usable while you cling to the tenets of Rationality- if you ever waver in your disbelief and cynicism, you have to pay full price just like any other slack-jawed idiot.

5 Verisimilicant

You stumbled out of a mirror in a strange land after getting lost in the Desert of Shards. You have no idea how to get back to wherever it is you came from, and you’ve been different ever since, shifting and changing in response to the places and people you meet. Are you even the person you remember being, or are you just a reflection now?

Possessions

- Clothing that is bland and neutral

- A Knife

- A Pocket Mirror whose reflections are always just a little… wrong

Advanced Skills

4 Disguise

2 Awareness

2 Sleight of Hand

1 Run

1 Climb

Special

You can use your Disguise advanced skill without any make-up or costumes to change into. You can also Test Your Luck to “fit in”, whether that’s your name turning up in some paperwork or your face seeming familiar to a stranger.

6 Weird Knight

There are souls who spend too long in certain strange limbos and demi-planes, and are forever changed by those places. You are just one such soul, a mortal pressed into the service of abstract processes you can barely understand. Your kind often travel either to return to their strange home, or else finally escape its influence once and for all.

Possessions

- A Weapon of your choosing, seemingly made from the same matter as your physical form.

- Strange Armour which melds seamlessly with your physical form (as Heavy, but only taking up 2 inventory slots) when worn, but fits no-one else

- An inconsequential Memento of your long-lost mortal life. Perhaps a locket or an old child’s shoe.

Advanced Skills

2 Astrology

2 Second Sight

2 Fighting with your chosen weapon

1 Awareness

1 Strength

Special

You are at once more and less than mortal. Whenever you are in an environment similar to the Limbo you came from, you gain an extra 1 rank in all your Advanced Skills. Resting in this environment restores 3d6 points of Stamina instead of the usual 2d6.

Sample Limbos and similar environments 1. Tower-Limbo of Irifice- tall, built-up urban environments remind you of the endlessly soaring Towers-Between-Cities... 2. Deepest Woods- a forest that is thick enough to block out the sky overhead reminds you of the dark, turned-around chaos of the interdimensional underbrush... 3. Mirrorshard Desert- any tundra or plains with harsh enough weather to warrant extra protective gear reminds of the vast desert of glass that spreads in each mirror, just out of sight from the glass itself... 4. Astral Cloudscape- a lofty, high-up place with a view dominated by the sky is reminiscent to you of the endless expanse of shifting clouds... 5. Grey Purgatory- drab, hopeless, but more-or-less safe places remind you of the tormentingly mundane Grey Purgatory that awaits the spirits of the unremarkable after death... 6. Hellgaaz- ruins and decaying structures remind you of the hellscape of destroyed buildings that swallows up forgotten places...